11 Comments | posted December 18th, 2008 at 01:04 am by Kimberlee Auerbach
I’m trying out a new segment called ON THE COUCH WITH KIMMI. Today, I’m on the couch with Ms. Courtney Martin talking about self-esteem. (Rated R for extreme language and some sexual references.)
P.S. Check out Courtney’s post about the self-esteem bubble, just in case you missed it.
P.S.S. I’m taking a two-week break for the holidays. Wishing you all love, peace and joy! See you back in ‘09!
This entry was posted on Thursday, December 18th, 2008 at 1:04 am and is filed under Career/Life, Gender, Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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I’m a guy and of course don’t run into the same self-esteem issues women have, but the concept is just as important. It may be that I have self-esteem issues because I didn’t bag as many mammoths as Thag did last month and my clan wonders why I should even still be allowed to hunt. But whether it’s that or having one’s father point out how you’re being “so female”, it can hurt. It can hurt immediately and it can have negative long-term effects. Fortunately, I’m acutely aware of this and (hopefully) do my best to keep my own girls’ confidence up. (They’re 12 and 15: the exact age range you mentioned!)
Enjoy your two week break!
At a workshop I attended a few months ago we learned and participated in a self-esteem building exercise that we could use and implement in our classroom. I can’t remember the exact name, but it’s something like, Seed to Tree, maybe? Anyway, you select one student to come to the front of the room and crouch down into a seed. Then the rest of the class takes turns telling the seed (student) ONLY positive things they like about him/her like, you have a beautiful smile, you’re laugh makes me laugh, you’re always very helpful, ect. After each comment the seed grows depending on how the comment made them feel. Eventually, the seed sprouts and grows into happy tree. My kids absolutely love this. I have so many students with low self-esteem, it’s heartbreaking. They feel they are not good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough. They walk with their heads down and they exclude themselves and don’t want to participate. But through this exercise you can see their smiles and confidence grow with each comment, it’s amazing. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone could start their day by being a seed?
And ps. Such a clever one you are, dear sweet Kimmi! On The Couch With Kimmi? This is such a great idea, I love it! And I hope you have a loveable and wonderful holiday!
Indeed, Kimmi, who doesn’t love a woman who loves another woman?
But seriously – when we’re so surrounded by messages of how much we’re supposed to hate or undermine each other (e.g. Angie vs Jen) it’s a joy to see two women on the couch giving out love like it’s going out of style.
Charlie, thanks for chiming in. I love getting the male perspective on these things, especially because I tend to skew so female. I also love that you are actively contributing to building your daughters’ self-esteem. So cool. Bravo!
Brooke, I love that exercise. How wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing it. And thank you for being supportive of my new segment idea. Happy you like it.
Sarah! I know! When I was editing this together, I laughed out loud when I heard myself say that. I was like, WHA? So funny! And thanks for appreciating our love-fest. I hope love never goes out of style. That would suck!
I LOVE this new segment — keep ‘em coming!
And I appreciated this conversation; I really like the definition of self-esteem that includes not only being aware of and thinking well of yourself, but standing for your awareness and wellness in the outside world. Very cool action step in self-esteem.
Also, I have to disagree — I believe that one’s pussy ALWAYS tells the truth. Instead of thinking of a “gut reaction” these days, I think of a “pussy reaction.” It really does tell me what’s up if I listen.
Hi Kimmi,
I love this new On the Couch segment. Totally awesome.
Here’s something I wonder… While it totally and absolutely sucked to feel kind of crappy as a kid, I can’t help but think that feeling bad has also really contributed to and defined what it means to really feel good now.
Like you guys said: it’s the difference between an outer sense of worth vs. an inner sense of knowing. Sometimes a little contrast sometimes makes things clearer.
Then again, maybe we just need different things to make our way at different times in our lives. As kids, smart, strong & beautiful are important. As adults, maybe it’s about being open, giving love, sharing our selves & diving in and looking stupid. Who knows.
Anyway. Have a marvelous holiday! Looking forward to your next installment.
Jennifer, do you realize how many good band names you inadvertently created in your replies?
Oh, and I meant to reply to you too, Shea, because I think you’re absolutely right.
@Charlie: hahaha! You’re right! I think a riff on the first phrase would be my favorite – “Truth-Tellin’ Pussies” — it would be a country-western band, of course!
Thanks Jennifer! Happy you like it! I was totally thinking about you during the pussy moment! You rock!
Shea, I agree with you. I feel like I’ve earned my sense of self. I fought for it. I keep fighting for it… challenging it, nurturing it, developing it, still. I think it’s a life-long process. Thank you so much for your support and for offering your thoughts.
Happy holidays! xo
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