In exactly twenty-two days George Michael will return to Madison Square Garden and I will be sitting in his lap.

Ok, that is not the truth.

But I will be in the audience, actively losing my mind.

The prepubescent girl inside of me, who was scandalized by the “I Want Your Sex” video, could not be more thrilled.

For my birthday, my friend B gave me the DVD collection Ladies and Gentlemen, The Best of George Michael. I’ve been watching it on repeat for days, in anticipation of George’s arrival,

So ladies and gentlemen, I offer you my top five George Michael videos. (note: My top five videos are not my top five George songs, that’s another list).

5. Too Funky
This song will never make my “best of” George mix, but the video is quintessential nineties glam and for that and that alone it makes the list. All the Top Model contestants in the world could not compare to one Linda Evangelista working a runway in a white fur coat and platinum wig. George stays behind the camera and lets the ladies run the show, for the perfect marriage of music and modeliciousness.

4. I Want Your Sex
Screaming, “Have sex with me!” at your lady is generally not a good idea. But George manages to make it sound like the best idea ever. I was in the sixth grade when this video came out. MTV would only show it after 9pm. Every kid with cable stayed up to watch. I had to look up the word “monogamy” to figure out what exactly it was George wanted me to explore. There was the requisite outrage. Critics questioned how he could put out such a song, promoting *gasp* sex(!). George countered that it was actually about love. Even then I believed him.

3. Careless Whisper
Ok. So, technically this is WHAM!, but with all due respect to Andrew Ridgeley, it’s George’s song. I used to joke that part of George Michael’s genius was his ability to write the same song over and over again. The basic theme being – You were my friend. I loved you. It’s over. Let’s try again. This is one of those songs. And this video is all sailing, seaplanes and shadowy sex scenes. George cheats on his lover (with a lady who looks just like her) and now he’s never going to dance again. But he will sing, goddamnit! PS — One of the top ten greatest slow jams of all time, but that is yet another list.

2. Father Figure
There are some things that were sexy in the eighties, that no longer are – shoulder pads, high top fades, biker shorts. However, the video for “Father Figure” seems to have gotten hotter with age. Like Johnny Depp. The grainy black and white film, the garter belt-clad supermodels, and George masquerading as a taxi cab driver slash stalker working the five o’clock shadow to its fullest effect. *sigh*.

1. One More Try
I’ve sung this song at karaoke so many times I’d forgotten what the actual video looked like. Turns out it’s just George, in black and white, singing his British heart out like he grew up in a black church. By the time he hits the bridge — “So when you say that you need me/ That you’ll never leave me/ I know you’re wrong/ You’re not that strong/ Let me go” — it is officially a wrap. The heartache is palpable. Both the relationship and the song are over. But in true George form, just before he concedes defeat, he offers this quiet conceit – “Maybe, just one more try.”