8 Comments | posted May 28th, 2009 at 04:47 pm by Kimberlee Auerbach
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Kimmi
Therapy Thursdays
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There are currently 8 responses
Awesome post Kimmi. Really insightful.
I find that it takes my mind awhile to catch up to my emotions/body around this toxicity stuff. Usually I’ll just start to notice how I feel around various people, or working with various organizations, and take note of the contrasts. Then, after really identifying and managing the feelings, I can finally get into the cognitive place of: why do I feel shitty around this person or organization? Is that about my own discomfort around learning or vulnerability or difference (all good things) or is there something about the other person that isn’t allowing me to be myself?
Thanks for helping me think through this.
Thanks, Courtney! I’m happy to hear you like this post! I really appreciate the feedback! I was just telling Molly that I was thinking about stopping my vlogging (sp?). Jesus, that’s a gross word! Gets caught in the throat!
And yeah, I think listening to your body is a great way to know if something feels toxic. As you know, I’ve just started to do that, feeling it in my body, and man oh man, is the body wise!!! And your question “Is that about my own discomfort around learning or vulnerability or difference (all good things) or is there something about the other person that isn’t allowing me to be myself?” is genius! Thanks so much for sharing that!
On a slightly different note/angle, I’m not sure I fully know how to get rid of toxic people I already have, but I’ve become pretty fine tuned to meeting new people and getting a sense of if I want them in my life or not (and standing by that feeling, not making myself available to them etc). As Courtney described I think it’s totally a feeling first, even if you don’t know the words.
It’s like pre-cleaning! If you don’t take them on, you’ll never have to get rid of them!!
PLEASE don’t stop video blogging! Your posts are one of my favorite things about this group blog.
I use basically the same three-question system when I’m releasing physical stuff. I’ve got a big happy box that’s ready for a garage sale, and I recycled about three boxes of old college notes and drafts of old pieces I put to bed. It felt freeing to release my attachment or resentment or guilt about not selling those pieces as billion dollar book deals. It freed me up to look forward rather than back. And I didn’t even remember that I kept some of them!
I agree with Sarah about “pre-cleaning.” I’ve worked hard not only to recognize people that I really like and feel good around, but also to recognize when there’s just no click on my end. I find the biggest challenge is to be okay with that, to be okay with NOT being friends with everyone I meet. I frame it for myself as releasing them to find someone with whom they do click, with whom they’ll feel positive and affirmed.
Sarah, I like that! Sounds like preventative healthcare! Cool!
Jennifer, thanks for liking my vlogs! I’m still not sure what I’m going to do, but thank you! And thank you for supporting me and celebrating me! And yeah, I agree about being okay with not being friends with everyone you meet. I especially like the idea of releasing them to find people who will want them. Same with love affairs. If someone doesn’t love me, release me to find someone who will. If I don’t love someone, I should release them. I like that!
Another great, thought provoking post! Please don’t stop vlogging!
Thanks Erica! I feel like a girl who just fished for a “You’re pretty” compliment! I swear I wasn’t trying to elicit a “please don’t stop vlogging” response. I’ve just really been rethinking it for lots of reasons. Thanks for your encouragement!
I love this post, Kimmi.
In this last move, a lot of stuff got shoved into closets and left in boxes. I’m preparing to do a big clear out and think that the feng shui questions you mentioned are really helpful.
Now with people, on the other hand, I almost think I can do the pre-sortment that Sarah and Jennifer talk about. But then again I was recently faced with the fact that I didn’t operate based on a toxic initial feeling about someone and definitely should have. And then what about the ties that you are stuck with? There’s a reason we can’t walk away from certain people. Maybe it’s about minimizing energy directed toward them.
One more thing– I was in a playwriting workshop where feng shui was used as a way to rewrite, and I definitely try to use that. If every time I read over something it doesn’t feel uplifting or useful or if it just gives me an ug feeling, it’s time to use the delete button.