The first time I got on a plane after September 11th was in March 2002, right before we went to war. I was with my boyfriend, flying to Vieques, where they had just stopped bombing practice. There was a lightning storm in the sky directly below us, and I could not, for the life of me, stop crying and shaking and sweating. My boyfriend held my hand and told me everything was going to be okay, but it didn’t make me feel better. I felt like a little girl, helpless and small.
When I had to fly to Boston for the DNC in 2004, I was equally as scared, but better at hiding it. The soles of my feet were wet as I clung to a caramel colored monkey for comfort.
Flying back from American Idol in 2006, the only thing that saved me when we hit a patch of turbulence was the fact that Topher Grace was sitting in first class. I thought to myself, we can’t go down… Topher’s on board. I wanted to send him flowers afterward as a thank you, as if his star power had kept us all safe.
In the past two months, ever since my breakup, I have been on six plane rides. To and from Florida. To and from LA. Twice. And something amazing happened. I stopped being scared.
When I flew out for my Book Soup reading last week, I was actually excited. I had just read at Borders. I was already flying high. When the plane took off, the engine, the momentum, mirrored how I was feeling inside.
On my way back from LA, I listened to my iPod and stared out the window. I liked being high. I liked watching the sun go down. When it got dark, I placed a blanket over my head, so I could see the stars better. There were so many stars. I felt chills course my body. Good chills. I hadn’t felt good chills on a plane since I was a kid.
I realized that as an adult I had felt more childlike than I had as a kid, more unsafe, more riddled with fear, more helpless. When I was a kid, I was unafraid, adventurous, bold, loud. That’s why I like to be called Kimmi. It’s a way for me to capture that early spirit.
As we approached JFK, I looked down at the golden lights and the shapes they made. The patterns reminded me of a Klimt painting. Then I saw what looked like a lung and realized we were flying over the Bronx and the Upper West Side and Central Park. The place where I breathe.
I knew I was home. In more ways than one.
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Kimmi
Therapy Thursdays
“Then I saw what looked like a lung and realized we were flying over the Bronx and the Upper West Side and Central Park. The place where I breathe.”
Yes, yes. So beautiful. Thank you.
Thanks, Jennifer! I love that I provided you a little beauty. Something you give so freely! xo
I’m one of those people who would be terrified of flying if it weren’t so freaking beautiful. The best is when it’s dark and stormy and you break through the layer of clouds and—ta da—it’s bright and sunny up there.
Kimmi…
You just verbalized what I have been talking about…for all of us women…who was that little girl you left behind when “life” got in the way? Can you get her back? It seems to me that you have been successful in rescuing your little girl; the Kimmi who was bold and confident and smart and funny and unafraid and “on,” with or without a stage ~ the little girl with star power!
My heart is so happy for you!
I love you xoxo mom
Kate, I don’t think I’ve ever been able to appreciate that beauty before. Dark and stormy was always just bad. Next time I fly, maybe I’ll get to experience that.
Mom, I love you! xoxo
How nice to hear a story of someone overcoming their fear of flying and getting even more from it than you’d normally expect.Well done Kimberlee.
Just in case you get worried about flying or you know someeone who could do with some help and encouragement please get them to visit our site and we’ll take care of them. It’s the biggest fear of flying help site in the world.
Captain Keith
Thanks, Keith! I’m glad you found the post. I’m sure your site could be helpful to people. Thanks. Kimmi
It was really nice to read about your fear and how u got over it..
I have been flying all my life; but the last time i took a plane was in spring of 2001. I just began to fear flying and it has just grown over the years!!
Now I’m married and have a kid; i have been married for 4 years but have never met my in laws (they live abroad and I live in Paris) now I have promised my husband I’d go and we have already bought the tickets and I am freaked out yet excited at the same time!! I hope to God I will not panic and be as u were in the beginning.
anyway s thanks you have given me some kind of hope
Lots of love Noor