Well, one can pray.

Still, it seems fitting that Hellfire Falwell would fall while the top three Republican candidates are a Mormon, a pro-choicer, and worse, John McCain. Where will the Evangelical vote go? Or will the rapture take us before 09?

The GOP has been synonymous with GOD ever since Ronald Reagan flip-flopped on abortion to earn the approval of Falwell and his preposterously named ‘Moral Majority’. Bush the First then followed with his own flip-flop on abortion to secure the same demographic, and then Bush the Second was born again himself, and instructed by Jesus to stack his cabinet with graduates from televangelist Pat Robertson’s 3rd tier law school. In fact, no Republican since Nixon has won a presidential election without Falwell.

It is hard to imagine that the same man who found time to denounce the Teletubbies for their explicit homosexual content could also anoint kings in the world’s most powerful nation.

This last week has been sprinkled with niceties about Falwell, especially in the last Republican debate. Yet it was Falwell’s opinion that the terrorist attacks of 9-11 were an old-testament referendum, God punishing the modern day Sodom and Gomorra of New York City for homosexuality, designer jeans and unreasonably high rent.

I know no one saw the debate, so I’ll let you all in on the defining moment. Representative Ron (who?) Paul of Texas, a ‘real’ conservative, suggested that maybe the terrorist attacks of 9-11 were the result of our Mid-East foreign policy of expansionism. Rudy’s eyes lit up like Arod playing slow-pitch softball. His tirade stole the debate, and had every pundit singing his praises.

Allow me to impose a bit of logic: If it’s offensive to suggest foreign policy caused 9-11, how could it be okay to suggest that homosexuality invited the attacks?

“I don’t think I’ve heard that before, and I’ve heard some pretty absurd explanations for Sept. 11.” Thank you, Rudy. Too bad you’re responding to the wrong explanation.

There are many similar intellectual paradoxes when it comes to conservatives and their romance with evangelicals. They deny Darwin’s theory of evolution, yet base their free-market philosophy a purely Darwinian model. They are pro-life and pro-guns, pro-freedom and pro-war. They want to control guns by giving one to everybody. They love Jesus yet betray the principles of his life in every conceivable way.

As the loyal Bushies fall like Saddam through the gallows door, and take the GOP with them, it seems unlikely that the evangelicals will settle for what they’ve got. Romney can flip on abortion, and smile with 80’s optimism, but he’s no Regan, and even if he was, he’s a freaking Mormon. Rudy is admirably sticking to his pro-choice guns, which makes him very dangerous in a general but unlikely to get the ‘Moral Majority’. And they hate McCain. Who cares why? They are very loyal about who they hate.

Unless the towering, homely Fred Thompson steps into the fray with his mutton chops and plastic prom-date girlfriend, it seems the powerful evangelical bloc might have to waste their vote on an independent values candidate, presumably one of the three geniuses who raised their hands when asked ‘Who doesn’t believe in evolution?’

Far be it for me to dance a jig on anyone’s grave, but the loss of Falwell might be a good thing for our country. The center has lost its ability to be outraged just as the right has lost its mind. Look at Virginia, where pro-gun nuts, in support of a gun shop fined by Mayor Bloomberg, are having a raffle to raise money, where they will give away three guns, one of which is a semi-automatic handgun with a sixteen round clip. Due to our country’s collective amnesia, they seem to need reminding that the same kind of gun was used in Virginia Tech to kill 32 innocent people.

This behavior is consistent with that of a group that welcomes the upcoming apocalypse, convinced that they alone will finally go to heaven while the rest of us burn. Some part of them may identify with the VT killer as the believer they most resemble on our country’s campus. The rapture may seem like a joke to an average adult, but to the cult that’s been running our country, it’s prophecy.