Six months pregnant and living 750 miles away from family, it suddenly struck me as incredibly important to go home for Mothers’ Day. I grabbed a last-minute fare, threw my clothes in a bag after work, and took a plane back to the Midwest. My sister, who became a mom herself just over a year ago, picked me up at the airport and we surprised my sleeping mother. She must have some kind of daughter homing device, because even in the dark of night with her eyes half closed and before I could utter a word, she said, “Cristina?”
I imagine that maternal instincts are innate and that with the stacks of borrowed books on my shelf, I will find my way in this new role. Forget the fact that the books don’t concur or that friends mostly share their most traumatic experiences and not the day to day of course you’ll be fine stories. In addition to being a treat, my first Mother’s Day weekend at home in years was anthropological. I got to see how my sister parents and to remember how my mom pulled off the work/family trapeze act.
My findings:
1. You can still be yourself even if your name changes to Mama. My sister is as fun as ever. Now we just have one more invitee to our dance parties in the driveway.
2. You also might turn out to be more like your own mother than you thought. (Not sure mine wants to know that).
3. You do get to sleep again. (People have been telling me that you don’t.)
4. You can start a business – my sister is—or a new career – my mom is— if you’re passionate about it.
5. It’s easy to love a little one, even when they’re crying or sticking avocados in your nose.
6. Your main responsibility is to feed your kid and it doesn’t end at any particular point. Knowing I was headed straight from my flight to a meeting today, my mom packed me a lunch. And my sister threw in cookies.
I’m sure there’s much more to add to the list, but this feels like a good start.
First of all, huge congratulations to you guys! Super super exciting news. And thank you for this great run-down of research findings. I’m especially pleased by #3. I don’t have a plan for kids right now, but as I think about the possibility, the idea that I’ll never be able to sleep AGAIN is horrifying.
Great image, too, of you and your sister sneaking into your mom’s bedroom in the dark, much to her not-surprise. I can imagine my mom doing the exact same thing.
Cristina,
Three weeks ago, I had the absolute privilege to witness a mom of a 3 year old, a woman who had once been adamant about not having children. She kind of defied all of the “rules,” and therefore had very few scary, overwhelming stories. I was there for three days and saw a balance (mastery of “trapeze act” as you put it beautifully) I never expected to see. Her son was incredibly independent, confident, curious, and insanely creative. Of course, that’s naive child-less me talking, but I was won over by this family’s way of making it happen. In particular because there was little agenda. Basically, she banks on listening to her intuition, instead of relying on what books, friends, and others tell her. I love hearing your honest thoughts about it. Thanks. Congrats!
Independent, confident, curious, creative. That’s exactly the kind of son I want. I especially appreciate the fact that your friend has been listening to her intuition.
And I’m with you about the sleep factor, Jennifer– especially since parting with caffeine.
Congratulations on being pregnant! That’s wonderful news.