When I look back on my early childhood years (follow me back to circa ‘81-’83), one of the things I’ve noticed is how blissfully androgynous I was as a little girl. I wore all kinds of colors–including blue and brown!–and darned just as many pants as I did dresses. Looking at our baby pictures, my husband and I have noted that we seem to have had the same haircut for a few years–the super cute “bowl” of the day.
OK, I guess I am technically wearing a rose colored terrycloth jumper in this picture but I promise I wore other colors as well. And, believe it or not, I actually remember having negative associations with the word “princess” when I was growing up. Trust me, when my parents used to call someone a “princess,” it wasn’t a compliment.
But living in strollerville Brooklyn today, it’s not uncommon to see girls in princess costumes strolling around on a summer day. In the winter, these little ladies are almost always swathed in pink–pink hat, pink gloves, pink shoes. And it’s no big deal for a 2-year-old to sport pink nail polish from what I can tell.
Apparently, the feminization of female tots is not just happening in Brooklyn. British mums are concerned about the pink plague in the U.K. as well.
From mumsnet:
“You can’t find girls past the age of three who aren’t obsessed with the colour.”“You can’t seem to get anything that’s not pink for girls, whether it’s clothes, books or toys.”
“It’s just so insidious and it shows how commercial forces can get under their skin even by that age.”
“They have managed to infiltrate playground culture where peer pressure is so strong.”
I bring up the Brits because, according to an article in the U.K. Telegraph, some scientists believe that little girls are “hard-wired” to be attracted to colors in the red family and point their cross-cultural affinity for pink. Others chalk it up to social conditioning via pink baby blankets and nurseries.
I’m inclined towards the latter explanation, judging from my own childhood. I think my favorite color was purple, in fact, which is a little girly–unless you’re Chuck Bass or the Joker.
In any event, it’s kind of sad that we seem to be reverting when it comes to promoting certain gender stereotypes. If we can bring back 90210, the recession and grunge, I think it’s time for a little FREE TO BE YOU AND ME!
Check out this video to make you feel good about growing up in the 70s and 80s!
Free to Be…You and Me on You Tube
P.S. If you’ve been laid off, invested with Madoff, or simply read the newspaper today, it still helps to sing along to this: It’s Alright to Cry on You Tube
It gets the sad out and no one has to know.
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Kidz Today is a column about youth and education by Joie Jager-Hyman
P.P.S. For some classic Michael Jackson, here’s another great Free to Be You and Me clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSNwxeY09bE&feature=related
As the mother of 2 girls and 1 boy – I found that yellow worked wonders. You are so right – the important thing is not whether girls wear pink or blue, yellow or brown but if they tie their sense of self to any color, mode of behavior or profession. Perhaps today’s moms are rebelling against the fact that their moms dressed them in gender neutral garb and therefore want to dress their girls in the “girly” fashion that they missed.
Bottom line – it ain’t the clothes that make you who you are! We should all remember that – designer shoes, bags and all!
It’s worth mentioning that David Bowie and his androgynous persona was popular at that time. As was Pat Benatar haircuts and Boy George. It may be that androgyny was more culturally in fashion then and being overly “pink” is embedded in the cultural psyche now.
Ha I was just talking w/my friend about this yesterday. She went to Nordstroms and they only carry blue pacifiers that say future president and none in pink. I asked her why her baby girl couldn’t use blue and she told me that wasn’t the point, it’s that it’s not made for a “girl” and she’s kind of right with that.
Also, there’s practically no baby clothes in red or orange these days. All “gender neutral” baby clothes seem to be green and yellow.
Bloomie, that pacifier story is so DEPRESSING (though it definitely gets at my point).
And Josh, I wonder why we’ve become more genderized. I guess there’s Pete Wentz and his guyliner but there’s nothing like Boy George, David Bowe or even Pat Benatar today. I think it’s sad.
Joie,
You look beautiful in your picture! What an adorable person you always have been.
Thank you for bringing up such an interesting topic. The genderization of persons since they are in utero is pretty concerning. People want to know if you are going to have a boy or a girl because they want to “make sure” that they are going to get the “right color” for the newborn. And what if they don’t? Does it really matter?
The problem is not pink, the problem is the feminization of the color. While girls should have options beyond pink (and they do), pink should not be exclusively for girls. I wonder how many little boys love pink and purple and colors in the red family and are discouraged from doing so. The social conditioning is happening all the time.
While I have my own negative preconceived notions about the idea of “princess”, I’ve come to learn that I make a lot of assumptions that are often false. Rather than judging, it is far more interesting to ask these kids what about being a princess they like so much; these kids are much more interesting, smarter, and aware than we give them credit.
Yeah, well looking forward to #3, who happens to be female #1, I can tell you that she is really really *really* going to be into “Cars” and “Thomas the Tank Engine”. And I am not saying this from the perspective of some de-genderizing gestapo-think, but rather, from the perspective of someone who has plenty of awesome clothes for her from the previous two children, who happen to be boys.
We got a bunch of hand-me-downs from some family in Japan in the past year and they are almost disconcertingly androgynous, ultimately to good effect. My partner thinks that the biggest difference between the sexes in terms of kids clothing is that the girls get to wear stockings … and thankfully, Joie, there are still innumerable brown articles of clothing for little girls lovingly assembled in sweatshops around the world, or at least, not in the USA (unless you include the Northern Marianas, but that is a separate issue).
Speaking of David Bowie, have you guys seen this mug shot taken in my own Rochester, NY in the year of my birth following a pot bust with Iggy Pop? Pretty funny…
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/1108072bowie1.html
In any case, I think that the constant pressure to genderize / feminize women, even as early and insidiously as in infant and toddler clothing and marketing of products to children idealizing “princesses”, is part of the ever-present, menacing undertow of modern western culture to subjugate women.
Like I said to my boys tonight, “Does Daddy hate Mickey Mouse?” “Yeah…”
Joie,
I love reading your recollections. I grew up in the ’70’s and my mom always kept my hair short, so people always thought I was a boy. I remember being 10 years old and my mom was trying on clothes in the basement of someone’s home (they had sort of a “store” down there selling samples and such). Anyway several women were there and I overheard one ask another, isn’t that boy too old to be down here?
Even as late as 1987, I had a fashionably short hairstyle, curly on top, but there was no doubting I was a girl if you looked at my physique. I was online for the restroom in Israel and a woman pointed to me and asked her friend “yeled o yalda?”
Finally, I took my 3 month old daughter, dressed entirely in pink (including the socks and one of those ribbon headbands on her bald head.) Within 1 hour 3 different people asked me how old my son was.
I am not quite sure of the point of telling you all these stories, except they are what I was thinking of when I read your post. I grew up on Free To Be…You and Me. I know most of the songs and poems by heart. My daughter loves to wear skirts and dresses, loves pink and purple, but will get those pink and purple dresses filthy playing sports and digging in the dirt, so I guess it all evens out in the end.
My friends have a son who only loves to play with princesses and My Little Pony and the like. Recently my friend said he was at a birthday party for someone in his dance class (he’s the only boy) and the girls were playing with the Ponies, but he didn’t want to. His surprised mother asked him why not and he whispered “I only do that at home now.” I didn’t know whether to be happy that he was avoiding the inevitable teasing or really a little sad for him. It made me think of “William Wants a Doll”.
I guess the point is to love our children and nurture their interests rather than try to tell them what their interests should be.
Pink was, without a doubt, my favorite color. My childhood room was (and admittedly, still is) wallpapered with rainbows comprised of varying shades of pink. Although I never longed to be a princess as a little girl, my life’s ambition was to become a cheerleader. I cried for hours when (against my will) I received the bowl haircut you mention in your post. But, I also remember being beyond excited when our neighbor got the Castle of Greyskull for Christmas, and I loved playing cars and sports with my little brother. It seems to me that exposing children to toys/colors of all sorts and affording them the freedom to choose their likes and dislikes is what’s really important.
Also, thanks for referencing two of my favorite things: Chuck Bass and Free to Be You and Me!
To Josh: Don’t forget the Crash Test Dummies (hit?) song “Androgynous” circa 1991. That’s my jam!
Wow, thank you so much for all these great comments. You guys all make terrific points about how little girls in princess costumes can be more complex than they appear. I just hope that they get to choose their likes and dislikes–free to be you and me, if you will–and don’t feel pressured to conform to some stereotype because of gender traits that haven’t even expressed themselves yet. Same goes for little boys! If William wanting a doll is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
And Don, only Bowie could make a drug bust look so debonair.
Haha! Guess what? Free to be You and Me is being reissued! I just got an email from the publicist. Joie, your dream is already coming true.
WOW. You don’t see dreams coming true every day! I bet Obama had something to do with this…
My daughter is nearly 2 and she loves pink and purple, but her favorite thing to do is help with home improvments. She has a blue sweatshirt with tools all over it that is a favorite. I seem to be about 5-10 years older than a lot of the references here (I was born in the early 70s), but Free to Be You and Me was a huge favorite. We play it all the time around the house. Most parents I know (my generation and ten years older as well) have it for their kids.
It is sometimes a challenge to try and keep an open mind and remember that even if my daughter loves pink and purple, that’s okay. The whole idea is that she can prefer whatever she prefers, regardless of the gender associations.
>Also, there’s practically no baby clothes in red or orange these days. All “gender neutral” baby clothes seem to be green and yellow.
This is true true true. It is hard to find baby clothes in non-pastels, or to find shoes for toddlers that are not “gender aligned”–sports themes OR flowers/butterflies. We try to keep an even keel by shopping in both boy and girl departments.
This is a great site!!
I have 2 children, a boy and a girl. My son loves the color pink. He always has. His younger sister loves the color pink not because she’s a girl but because her brother loves it so and she wants to do everything he does.