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Kimmi
Therapy Thursdays
My post on THE NERVOUS BREAKDOWN
Tags: book, bravery, expose yourself, fearless, men on horses, needs, out on a limb, vagina, vulnerability
______
Kimmi
Therapy Thursdays
My post on THE NERVOUS BREAKDOWN
Tags: book, bravery, expose yourself, fearless, men on horses, needs, out on a limb, vagina, vulnerability
Well OK, Miss Fishing-for-Compliments—just kidding! Another thoughtful & provocative post.
I think you’re intuitively tripping over the distinction between bravery and courage. Bravery does have a more physical connotation, which is probably why we tend to instinctively associate it with a more masculine context. I mean, it’s only recently that women have been allowed into combat situations, for instance. So “bravery” has traditionally been more of a guy thing.
Courage, on the other hand, is more about mental and moral strength—having the “courage of your convictions.” So, getting back to YOU . . .
[just messin’ with ya!]
1: What do I consider courageous?
Everything that jumps to mind basically involves walking the talk. Truly, having the courage of your convictions—being willing to ask the uncomfortable question, to endure the awkward conversation, to face the unflattering answer. Basically, to unflinchingly pursue your own truth, even when it feels like bamboo shoots under your fingernails would probably be less painful.
2: In what ways do I think you’re courageous?
Yes, you are courageous because you always speak your truth. Even when you’re not completely clear about what you’re trying to say, or you’re unsure about where it might lead, you just jump in with both feet and this amazing trust that it will all sort itself out. You lead from the heart, and it’s that openness and vulnerability that others intuitively connect with—they can tell you’re for real. We’ve never met, yet I know this about you. That’s some powerful courage-mojo you’ve got going on!
3: Am I courageous?
Yes. I always have the courage of my convictions, even when I sense it’s probably not going to go the way I hope. I’m that fun person in the room who asks the question that everyone is thinking, but no one else wants to voice. I’m the one who risks telling a friend—or a CEO—something we both know she doesn’t want to hear, but which needs to be considered. I’m also the person who will follow a dream cross-country, and then back again, with few resources and no backup plan.
So yes, I’m a courageous person in many ways, but I don’t feel like I can really take credit for it because I sort of can’t help it. This is how I am—being otherwise is impossible for me. It’s almost kind of a Tourettes thing! I can’t not be who I am, say what I think, follow my heart where it leads me.
Which begs the question: Is it really courage if you can’t help doing it?
Deborah! I know you’re teasing, but I swear I wasn’t fishing for compliments. As I said, I get this particular compliment almost daily. I just wanted to understand it. It’s weird to be told you’re a way you don’t feel, so I wanted some people to shed a little light. I agree with you that “courageous” is probably the more accurate modifier, but even that word that doesn’t sit quite right for me. I get scared all the time, I’m anxious all the time. And there are many times I do not confront people when I should, that I don’t say the hard thing. So, I actually think people are talking about something else with me. I think it’s as simple as I reveal things about my own messiness that most people spend their lives trying to cover up. I’m not sure that’s brave or courageous, which dovetails into your last question, is it brave or courageous if that’s just who you are? It sets up bravery and courage as choice, as opposed to beauty and humor, which is not choice. Hmmm.
Hmmm is right. This is complicated. I think we are all “brave” or “courageous” in our own ways. I would never consider myself either one of these things, but I’m sure that people would consider my starting a non-profit in Mexico six years ago when I was 23 brave. Whatever. I don’t think it was brave, but that’s just me. I just wanted to work abroad and learn something, and that seemed like the most logical way to do those things.
I, too, am nervous, anxious, don’t enjoy stirring up any might-be conflict, and am hesitant to put myself out there if it involves taking a risk. But sometimes I do, and when it’s all over and done, I’ve usually learned something or gotten somewhere (whether the result is positive or negative).
So, I do think we have choices, but that takes us into living intentionally and proactively, which it sounds like a lot of readers, commentators, and writers who interact with your vlog try to do.
(I think that Molly May said something similar to me the other day, Kimmi, when I was close to a nervous breakdown. Talk about lack of courage. Ha!)
I didn’t directly answer any of your questions, but bottom line, I don’t think we can generalize bravery or courage. There are some Characteristics (about all of us, maybe) that crave that description and others that don’t. I can’t wait to meet you! Then I’ll give you your answer about yourself
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P.S. I LOVE your Nervous Breakdown post… Are you brave? Hell YES!
Thanks Kate! I appreciate you chiming in! So cool that you started a non-profit when you were 23 AND that you were able to let in one of your best friends during an almost nervous breakdown. Both seem very human and connected to me! And yeah, bravery and courage are hard to generalize, for sure. I’m glad you liked my TNB post! Thanks. Looking forward to meeting you one day!
Audre Lorde said, “Pain is important; how we evade it, how we succumb to it, how we deal with it, how we transcend it.” That’s often how I see your work Kimmi, in terms of bravery. You aren’t afraid to be transparent about your own process so that others can figure out how to heal. But you also don’t wallow in pain; you “transcend” it with humor and optimism and connection, and that too, is a lesson in bravery.
I think it’s brave for people to truly be themselves and believe that it will matter in the world.
Why is being an exhibitionist brave? I’m thinking of the working poor, the innocent men still waiting to get out of Guantanamo, immigrants, the terminally or chronically ill, committed teachers in our shittiest schools. Since when was self-absorption brave?
Ditto on Courtney’s comment — I think any human being showing up in their lives 100% with love and honesty is brave.
And to J. Garcia, I would say you’re being awfully narrow-minded. Bravery is not a quality reserved only for those in life-threatening situations. If it were so, we would live in a completely impoverished world. It takes the courage of every single citizen of this earth to make forward motion, and that courage will look different to each person.
Well said, Jennifer. Bravery is NOT a quality reserved only for those in life-threatening situations. Well said! Brave means something different to each person.
Courtney—I love that quote! How beautiful. And I think you articulated what people are talking about when they use that word to describe me. I agree with you, I think that exposing my process/humanity allows others to see theirs more clearly, the fact that I laugh at myself helps others laugh at themselves, and my growing compassion for myself helps others to develop it for themselves as well. And yes, here’s to people who are who they are, to people who want to matter!
J. Garcia—I knew “brave” wasn’t the right word to describe what I am. SELF-ABSORBED! That’s it! Thanks so much for nailing it. Oh, and by the way, I am a committed teacher who works with underprivileged Dominican girls from the shittiest schools in NYC.
Jennifer—I agree, showing up with love and honesty, being present, is brave, and fucking hard.
Molly—Yeah, it means different things to everyone. I should stop having semantic debates on my vlog. Jesus!
J. Garcia — I’ve been thinking further about your comment and my response. I realized that I said what I did not only to defend Kimmi, whom I think of as courageous indeed, but also to defend you, whom I do not know at all.
You’re obviously passionate about defending those whom you deem courageous. But if you reserve bravery only for those risking their physical safety on a daily basis, then it is likely that you wouldn’t call yourself brave.
And even though we don’t know each other, I know in my bones that you have faced difficult moments in your life, and that you have responded with great courage at times. I hope that you include yourself in your fierce defenses of bravery, too.