What does it mean to be American? This is a question perhaps better pondered from beyond America’s borders than from inside them. The mantras of our common story tell us some: the opportunities, the plenty, the melting pot. But this is a flexible definition, and what it means to be American — the way we look at ourselves and the ways we are perceived by others — is not static.

The election of Barack Obama as President of the United States was an event that shook the globe, causing people from around the world to reevaluate this question. On the international political scene, this seems to have benefited us, gaining us some traction in terms of popularity and renewed influence, as well as a general sense of benevolence toward what was seen as the correct choice. And we, as Americans, seem to like this latest version of ourselves reflected in this historical decision.

However, another portentous result transpired November 4, 2008. While one political tide continued its turn that started during the Midterms two years ago, a competing undertow dragged us back out to sea. Three states, most infamously California, voted to add same-sex marriage bans to their books, bringing the total of states with similar legislation to thirty. While America with one hand demonstrated itself to be surprisingly broadminded — getting back to the business of being American, many seemed to think — with the other hand it showed that there are still American citizens who are not welcome to the equal treatment that our national ethos would have us believe.

Like capital punishment — legalized in the U.S. 1976 yet outlawed in the rest of the developed world — the passing of Prop 8-style legislation places us in a backward-streaming wave of social progress. Specifically, we are on the opposite trajectory from Western Europe, whose nations have steadily liberalized their marriage laws and now move toward legal adoption by gay couples. Compare this map of Europe with a similar graphic of the United States and you will see our country more ideologically matched with nations such as Poland, Latvia and Lithuania rather than Belgium, Norway and Spain.

I am always surprised that in a country like Spain that is 76% Catholic according to a 2006 study, 66% of the population supported gay marriage when the bill made its way through the Spanish Parliament in 2005. In the U.S., religions dictate the conservative social agenda, but here issues such as same-sex marriage, euthanasia and abortion do not spark the same religious zeal. Spain is proud to be a progressive country, and though Catholicism is a strong part of what it means to be a Spaniard, so apparently is the pride that comes from passing groundbreaking laws that demonstrate tolerance and liberalism.

We Americans certainly know how that feels, as we have enjoyed basking in the glow of what our latest presidential election says about us. However, from afar our society and laws are viewed as much more conservative than we may realize. While we fancy ourselves an evolved nation of opportunity and progress — just look at our President! — this opinion is not matched by many outsiders looking in.

Europeans who I have spoken to marvel at the flimsiness of America’s social safety net, the severity of our drug laws, the polemic nature of the abortion debate and our demonstrated tendency to resist same-sex marriage. Many times during the 2008 election, Spanish people commented to me that our “leftist” party is closer to what in Europe would be considered the center, or even the right. While we worry in America about culture wars and their impact on politics, we fail to realize that our country as a whole is mired in conservative, puritanical values while most first-world nations proceed in the opposite direction.

While the United States wrestles with economic crisis and an uncertain future, the actions of our leaders, military and fellow voters continually shape what it means to be American. And while we may prefer the congratulatory image of ourselves as a shining beacon of democracy and opportunity in the free world, certain election results tell a different story. In terms of Proposition 8 we are boats beating back against the current, and by this narrowing rather than expansion of rights, this failure to join our first-world neighbors in the current of social progress, we vote for an America that is not as beautiful as we imagine ourselves to be.